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my grief
i never want to forget her, i can't ever imagine that. she's in my mind everyday and she will never leave.
it's not always painful to think about her. i feel warm sometimes.
when it first happened, i was being avoidant. it took a while to process that she was really gone. i was lucky, i had a roommate who helped me cook dinner and made sure i ate. my friends were there for me and it was nice to have that support.
when i first got the tattoo, my parents asked me why i would want to get a reminder of a sad thing. h's parents asked her the same thing.
but we want to remember, we don't want to forget.
it was nice to talk to my friend group about her, to people that knew her and who were going through the same thing.
a few months later, two of us went through a break up around the same time, and we had a conversation.
my friend felt that she couldn't let go of her past relationship, as she didn't want to date anyone who didn't know phoe.
it was something that we both struggled with, but i told her that that meant that she could talk about phoe to her heart's content.
i tend to worry a lot about my friends now, and some of us have this fear that their friend is going to die. for me, i panic texted a lot of friends to be careful during road trips.
grief doesn't go away, you learn to grow around it.
a lot of us became more expressive with our love. i want people to know that i love them.
i hope she knew how much she was loved. she was such a pure soul and more people should know about her.
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